I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
