i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
