Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
