We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
