Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
