no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
