I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
