I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
