wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
