booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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