He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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