Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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