Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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