dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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