If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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