I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
