ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
