we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wear drunk well.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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