Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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