I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
