Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
