laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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