The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
