Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
