I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
