he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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