My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
