dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
