YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
