wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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