the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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