Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You took a bar mat shot.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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