somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
