it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
