My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
