He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
