just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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