woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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