yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
