they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
