Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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