Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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