Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
