Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
