please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
