my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
