My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Are we still banned from the library?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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