when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
