just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
