I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
