I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
